Lipstick

Jesus comes back to earth and turns Sarah Palin into a pig . He may be punishing her for taking his name in vain. Maybe He's seen that Palin is already a receptacle for her followers' demons and has decided to make it clearer. Jesus taps Sarah on the forehead and in an instant a pig is standing in her place.

After the screaming dies down, one of her campaign spokesman angrily insists that that wasn't Jesus; it was an actor hired by the Obama campaign.

"But he turned her into a pig!"

"Stem-cell research. It was stem-cell research! That's why the Dems are all over it."

Sarah's supporters crowd the podium. The pig backs away and lets out a nervous grunt.

"Sarah, is that you?" someone asks. Another one bends down to peer up the pig's nose. "Governor, are you in there?"

"If that's you, give us a sign." The pig grunts again.

"It is her!"
"It's a sign, she gave us a sign!!"

"Well, does she still want to run for Vice President?"

McCain protests that she can't run for Vice President. He'll have to ask Joe--

"No way are you gonna drop her. You made a commitment to her."

"I can't keep a commitment to--"

"Maybe you couldn't keep a commitment to Wifey Number One, the cripple you dumped for Cindy. But let me tell you something, Mister, you're going to keep your commitment to our Sarah or you're going to have 60 million angry Christians to deal with." He turns back to the pig. "You're still in the game, aren't you, Sarah? You still want to be President-- Vice President?"

The pig grunts.

The Palinoids cry out. A few people swoon. "See, what'd I tell you? She's still wants to run! God bless you, Sarah, we're behind you. You got our votes."

McCain says something mild about the Constitution.

"Who gives a shit about the Constitution?"
"It's just a piece of paper."
"Anyway, where in the Constitution does it say a pig can't be president? As long as that pig was born in the United States?"

"But look at it!"
"Look at her!"
"Okay, her. She doesn't look good."
"Don't go talking like some sexist! You don't like the way she looks put some lipstick on her."
"Just because that Nobama said she was a pig with lipstick don't mean she won't look better with a little lipstick. That's just common sense. There, much better."

"And that's just one more way that you're wrong. Mr. Barack HUSSEIN NObama. We can too put lipstick on her."